Disgusting dirt.

The definition of filth is disgusting dirt. Straight and to the point.
That is my favorite word to describe myself.
I'm filth, i'm wretched, i'm a mess, I have no sense of direction without God.
But only with God am I someone different, someone better and with a purpose.

Honestly, i'm not that great.
I judge without thinking, my heart is a disgusting wreck, and i'm a sinner.
But one of my favorite verses is 1 John 4:4 "Because the one who is in you is greater than the who is in the world"
My flesh is apart of this world, but the only reason I am good or come close to being decent is beacuse I am attached to the Holy Spirit.

God, without you I am nothing.
I need you.
I want you.
I want to be so on fire for You that people will look at me and within ten seconds they will know that my heart is on fire for you.
I love you and the fact that you saved me from my sinful ways.

God is not a crummy God.

Today was crummy.
I woke up irritated and just put off.
I just wanted to sleep and sleep and drink some coffee and sleep some more.
For some reason I wore a jacket that I haven't worn in years, and discovered a crisp twenty dollar bill. 
That made my day a little less crummy.
I can say it over and over that my God is good.

My day got a little better, my dad and I got coffee and looked at books and had a good date together.
I can't think of the last time we had that time together.
But, everyone with depression knows that happiness on days like this comes and goes.
And it went, fast.

So now, I am sitting on my bedroom floor with my bible open and my worship music playing loud and just talking and praying.
I know that my God is good and He will never foresake me.
I know that I am loved tremendously by my Heavenly and earthly fathers.