fini.

Just stumbled upon this in my drafts..

[Never did I think a tiny, forgotten nation would captivate my heart such as Haiti did.
It's the people, it's the sound of the goats in the morning while we are getting ready for the day, it's the smell of burning trash as we're driving through market day in a canter, it's how I see God in every bright smile and childs laugh.

Captivated. But oh so freeing at the same time.
As my time in Haiti comes to an end, I realize more and more that I have the opprotunity to have a new beginning in New Mexico]

I have been home from Haiti for almost a month and honestly I need to get back. The first three weeks here in New Mexico have been nice, catching up with family and friends and of course the food. But I feel like I haven't fully returned. My body has but my heart was left in all the villages I went to and with all my Haitian family I have now. 

 

I always look back to those moments in Haiti where God left me in complete wonder of His goodness. His divine intervention. Standing in the middle of a village with sweat dripping off your face, chatting with a Haitian about how they came to know Christ and how we can pray for them. Their answer was typically always "help me stay content in Christ or pray for healing in my family". Someone asked me what they typically complain about over there and it took me a minute because I honestly can't think of a complaint I heard. 

Through it all they worship, their bright smiles radiate Christ more than anyone I have ever encountered.

Through it all they stay content in The Lord.

I've found that parts of the U.S can suck the life out of you. It gets very difficult for me to read my Bible. I feel partly like my joy is vanishing. But that is not how God set me up. His joy is constant and always present. I miss the beautiful simplicity of my island home. Sleeping with a handheld fan right next to my face every night with the sound of mosquitos buzzing around in my ear, the 6:45 am meetings with my intern family. 

When I catch myself talking about Haiti in past tense now it has a bitter after taste. "Haiti was amazing" "God moved so much". 

I can't help but get excited though when I think of all God has left to do in me. Where will I end up? What country will I visit next? How else can He grow and stretch me? 

I fully believe that God gave me this heart for missions and heart to serve people. 

Bondye se Bon, pou toutan. 

God is good, forever. 

Refilled.

Romans 4:8

"Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord will never count against them."

I am blessed that the Lord knows my sin and shame but doesn't hold that against me.  He loves me still, He invests in my life, knowing that my past would mend together with the present leading me to where I am at.  The sheet of my sin is destroyed.  I am made whole.  A new creation handcrafted by God.  He fulfilled His promise.  I would recieve joy.  I would raise my arms and abandon my heart for the one who saves.  The answer is Jesus.  Always Jesus.  With Him comes perfect peace and an understanding of why things play out the way they do.  He is quick to love and slow to speak.  

Almost 9 weeks in on this journey and soon to be 3 weeks left. 
The joy of the Lord is the light to my path.
Never have I ever been more joyful or so content than being here.
I'm so unworthy, but He chose me. 
He kept His promise that I would come back to Haiti.

I ask that you would pray for me for the last few weeks of my time here, for the teams I am going to get and my fellow interns. That when I transition back to America I wouldn't be an emotional mess, that I would be able to bring glory to God and His nation of Haiti.  

Thank you friends! I'll see you soon!

Six weeks late.

Hi friends and family! This blog is about six weeks late but I'm finally sitting down to update everyone on my time here at MOH. 

Let me start off by saying how good and divine God is. From the beginning of fundraising to today, sitting at the guesthouse I never forget how good my God is. He loves me. 

Honestly, the time has gone by too quick and I think my fellow intern family can vouch for that. It feels like yesterday I was at the Miami airport waiting to take off. 

I've never understood what it meant to be humbled by The Lord, until a few weeks ago in Minotrie my team and I had the opportunity to give an elderly woman a bath. She was suffering from Crohn's disease and was a vegetable, sitting in her wheelchair all day. I'm amazed at the teams I've worked with and how they selflessly serve the people of Haiti. 

Although this past week was rough I would not trade being here for anything. Being in the center of God's will is the most satisfying feeling ever. I'm not sure what will happen when I get back to Alamo in August, if I'll go back to school or pick up where I left off. I know I'll have a lot of stories to tell and a lot of catching up on the food I didn't eat. 

This morning in North American church I was sitting there and my thoughts were racing with where I'll be in August. I heard The Lord say "I know what you need." Letting God take the lead has always been a struggle for me, but ultimately He knows what I need when I haven't even thought of it yet. His love is everlasting and simple but burns so deep. 

When I saw the colorful houses and the Caribean sea under the airplane, I knew I was home. Haiti is my refuge and where my cup is refilled. 

Mwen renmen ou, zanmi's! 

Why Being Single Doesn't Suck

I used to always have this fear of being single and not having anyone to talk to.  Three years ago I was in a very dark place.  I looked to guys to validate my self worth and I always went to sleep feeling broken.  Even though Christ confirmed my worth when He died for me.  

I guess I never thought that He could love me still. I never knew He was weeping over me and the path I had chosen.

I've been single for almost three years and I can honestly say it has been the best three years of my life.  I've gone on mission trips, learned more about myself, what I want in a man, what I don't want, and I learned just how great I can be without depending on someone else.  

I'm about to head off for Haiti in 8 weeks (gah!) and all I can think about is how God used all of this pain from my past for His good.

I always think what would've happened if I remained in that state of mind and how I would have missed out on all these incredible opportunities God has sent me.

It's so amazing how God had my purpose for me all along, even when I was so filthy. 

From Where I Stand

I have noticed that when life gets tough prayer and worship is the furthest from my mind.
I have a "I can handle this on my own mentality."

I'm beginning to learn that I cannot keep shutting God out and try to fix things myself.
Because God is the Healer, he is my Healer.
He fixed me years ago when I was crying on the floor at my first youth camp,
and he continues to work on me each day.

I have seen His grace move mountains in people around me,
and I have felt His presence hold me close when I need it.

I firmly believe that the love of God is the most precious thing we can experience.

"Let us become more aware of your presence, let us experience the glory of your goodness."

Happy New Year?

It's so funny how you can go from complete peace to complete chaos in a matter of seconds. 

I was let go from my job today and all my plans I had were put to rest. 

I have a habit of shutting God out and taking charge. 

I think of it like I want to be a co captain with God. 

When in reality, He's the head coach and I'm the ball. 

I'm always rushing and making things fit in a box when God really has a kingdom set out for me. 

It just takes time. 

And a lot of patience. 

I always think I'm good at submitting but today I learned I'm not. 

My conversations with God today have been: 

"But God, I was gonna move out. " 

"So, what's your point?" 

"But God, I was gonna travel." 

"Ok, you still can." 

I think for me to learn and begin to grasp that God likes to be in control, I needed this to happen. 

I was getting to comfortable running the show. 

 

I was praying for God to open and close doors and on January 2nd, He did. 

It's not the end of world and it certainly doesn't take away from my greatness. 

"So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you." 

1 Peter 5:6-7